Screw teaching the children

If I could have any job in the world I would work in some capacity on The Office. I have never had any aspirations to move to Hollywood before, but I enjoy writing and I have lots of inspiration from years spent in a very dysfunctional office, so I think I could be on the writing staff. Plus, don't sitcoms have like 50 writers or something? How much funny stuff does any one person actually have to come up with? I already have my first idea to pitch at our next story meeting...

The folks at Dunder Mifflin begin a Weight Watchers at Work series (although they would probably have to call it something else, like maybe Tubby Talkers or Chunky Monkeys or something). Weight Watchers does this thing where the come to an office one lunch hour per week and hold a meeting with the employees. Toby would hand out fliers from corporate and explain that it's part of a new wellness initiative. Here are my ideas for some scenes...
• Pam would ask what it's all about and Toby would explain that she's not really Chunky Monkey material and it would be awkward because he has a crush on Pam to which she is oblivious. (Thanks Husband for this one!)
• During Michael's confessional on the topic he says he has nothing against fat people and then uses terms like "more cushion for the pushin'" and "badonkadonk" to illustrate his tolerance.
• The first meeting is about to begin and Michael tells Phyllis they'll just wait for her to get started. And she's all offended and says Bob Vance likes her just the way she is.
• Meredith wants to know if tequila and gin have the same points. What about lime juice?
• Kelly joins and is all upset that Ryan is not being supportive. She wants him to come over so they can cook a week's worth of healthy lunches and go on walks around the high school track. Ryan make lots of exasperated faces in his confessional.
• Kevin comes to the meetings but does nothing else to stay "on program." He brings a chili dog to the meeting and talks about this machine where you exercise just by standing on a platform.
• Creed does not go to the meetings but suddenly starts bringing in cinnamon rolls, donuts, etc. every morning.
• Dwight asks Angela if she's up for some activity points. Nudge, nudge.
• The group discusses the points for baby carrots. Angela points out that the welcome booklet clearly states that baby carrots are one point per cup. Stanley says he didn't get fat by eating carrots and he's going to count them as zero. Angela rats him out to the leader.
• Angela joins and at the third meeting she is all proud of herself because she has finally made it to goal after losing 6 pounds. She tells everyone else that if she can do it, they can do it! Lots of silent, deadly looks.
• Angela is irritated that the others are not taking the program seriously. She complains to Dwight, and he and Michael take it upon themselves to create a Biggest Loser competition. He makes Pam be Caroline Rhea. Michael wants the fat people to pull rickshaws in which he and Dwight would ride, but he can't find a rickshaw in Scranton so he and Dwight sit in wheelbarrows and try to get Stanley and Kevin to push them.

That's all I've got so far. I didn't include Karen because she will be off at the Albany branch mourning her failed relationship with Jim soon. Also, while everyone else is in the meeting Jim and Pam will be making out in the break room.

Note to the producers of The Office: This story is copyrighted or whatever so you can't use it unless you pay me. I will accept cash or an uncomfortably long hug from John Krasinski.