Babies Babies Babies Babies Babies Babies

I have had babies on the brain a lot lately. It started a couple of weeks ago when circumstances in my life (being around numerous pregnant women, celebrating our first anniversary, having a lot of free time on my hands) created some sort of perfect estrogen storm. Since then my ovaries have been dancing around my abdomen singing, "Hello there, old married lady. Remember us? We're ready when you are!"

So Husband and I have had several discussions lately about when exactly we will be ready to take my ovaries up on their offer. While Husband is unwavering in his position that "sometime later" would be the perfect time to have a baby, I have been a little more indecisive.

Sunday 5/20, 5:47 p.m. - Some friends of ours had a baby three weeks ago and we met him last Sunday. He's really, really cute. No, for real. He's not all squishy and red like most little babies. I tell Husband that I would want a baby if I knew it would be as cute as that one.

Monday 5/21, 2:37 a.m. - Dog wants out. I want to be asleep. I'm not sure about this whole baby thing just yet.

Monday 5/21, 4:45 p.m. - I accepted a job for next year, and having a baby my first year of teaching would be way more that I can handle. Ovaries will just have to understand.

Tuesday 5/22, 7:30 p.m. - We run into aforementioned cute baby and his parents at a restaurant. Oh my God, he is even cuter than two days ago. On the way home I put my head Husband's shoulder, stroke his forearm, and describe to him exactly how tiny the baby is. "His little bottom would just fit in my hand," I say, holding my cupped palm in the air for emphasis.

Wednesday 5/23, 1:45 p.m. - Another teacher brings her two month-old baby to school, and he is not that cute. I am confronted with the cold reality that my baby may not be as cute as our friends' baby. I know all babies are beautiful, blah, blah, blah. But I want a legitimately cute baby, not a Muppet cute baby with floppy ears or a big nose. Am I ready to parent an average looking baby? It's a very real possibility I had not previously considered. Hmmmm.

Thursday 5/24, 4:52 a.m. - I just woke up to the sound of Dog gagging. I was going to just go back to sleep, but Husband woke up to check on Dog. Now I have to pretend I didn't just decide to let the dog barf sit on the floor until morning. I have to be all concerned about the Dog and clean up the barf. I think when babies wake up and barf in the middle of the night you can't just go back to sleep. I think you are supposed to clear their airway or something. I am so not ready to have a baby.

That's pretty much where we stand right now. I am totally ready to have a baby in the sense that I know exactly what crib bedding I would buy and I have names picked out. But I am not at all ready to give up sleep and the freedom to travel or my career just yet. Also, I am scared that my baby might not be cute. I think I will be ready to have a baby when I have rational concerns, like my baby being healthy and smart. We are thinking that might happen around the summer of '09. So there you have it. Now if I get pregnant before then everyone will know our baby was an accident.