Saturday, June 7, 2008

Jesus Peanut Butter Cups!

That it is my new favorite interjection. A couple of weeks ago a guy wearing one of those shirts cut us off in traffic, so I yelled, "Jesus peanut butter cups, did you see that?!"

I started to write a post with the same title detailing all the debauchery that occurred at my school's end of year party last night, but I think it would reflect badly on many of my coworkers, and also on me for being so gossipy about their adultery, drunken grinding, arrest histories, etc. Really, if you don't know the people it would be boring to read about anyway. It warms my heart, though, to think of the reaction the parents of Rich Suburban Elementary would have, considering they have treated it as their own private Christian day school all year. I know certain parents didn't enjoy me because, in the words of one mom I strongly dislike, I come across as cold. What they don't realize is that those bubbly happy teachers the parents all seem to want because they make learning fun - those are the same ones grinding up on the loser Matthew McConaughey-esque douche bag at the lake party. And they are the same ones that let the kids color all morning because they are hungover. Jesus peanut butter cups, I am glad to be rid of that place.

I visited my new room at the ghetto school yesterday. Sadly, it has avocado green below the chalkboards, wood paneling above them, and a limey yellow color on the walls. It makes me a tad suicidal just looking at it. They are coming to do construction on one wall this summer, which means it will probably have a fourth color in the mix then. I wish I didn't know how much it sucks to paint, because otherwise I totally would. And the desks don't match. They are different colors and heights. I'm a little Bree from Desperate Housewives about all this.

Seven days from now we will be on a plane to Hawaii!

Friday, May 30, 2008

The Bliss Part

I think I am too hard on Husband on the blog. While he is indeed an asshole sometimes, and my dishwasher loading skills are far superior to his, I think this narrow view of Husband paints him in an unfair light. So here are two adorable things he did today...

1. He did a very thorough job of vacuuming the whole house in preparation for my oldest friend coming for a visit. He even put on the hose attachment and got all the cobwebs and dirt by the back door. I think his parents must have told him that if something's worth doing, it's worth doing right. Hopefully our children will get that from him, as I frequently do a half-assed job of stuff like that.

2. I called him into the hallway to dispose of a bug because, as independent as I am, I easily revert back to traditional gender roles when it's convenient for me. He hummed the Indiana Jones theme song as he valiantly came to my rescue. It was kind of cute.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Maridull Bliss: This Fall Tuesdays at 8:00

Well ladies, it appears we are not alone. I assumed it was just us girls because I can't imagine a man wanting to read about some random woman's crappy job and annoying husband. I thought this blog was just a good way to keep in touch with people whose email addresses I can't find. But some anonymous guy just posted this comment:

"Women have this ideal that everything is gonna be Camelot, with silken drapes blowing in the wind as we live on our South seas island. Someone should have told them at birth that crap only happens in the cheap dime store novels they read."

Apparently I am a delusional romance novel reader who somehow lives simultaneously in both the South Seas and King Arthur's silken-draped castle. How worldly am I! I am just excited to know that an increasing number of random strangers read the blog. (I know this is from a stranger because it is not well written enough to be from one of Husband's elitist friends. No offense to elitist friends or random dude, who punctuates quite nicely.) Hopefully this development will play into my real motivation in writing the blog, which is to have FOX pay us lots of money for the rights so they can make yet another crappy sitcom about bitter married people.

(c) 2008 Maridull Bliss Enterprises. All rights reserved.

Friday, May 23, 2008

So it's Friday night of a three day weekend and Husband is working. When I called him this afternoon and suggested we stay in and open a bottle of wine instead of going out to dinner, this is not really what I had envisioned. Since he is not paying any attention to me, I will use this free time to blog about one of the few ways in which I am vastly superior to him. Vastly.

This was on Post Secret this week. When he saw it, Husband said it's the first time he's seen a secret and really thought I might have sent it in.

It frequently happens that Husband says the dishwasher is full, and then I come along and put in four more plates. He always puts the plates in the wrong way, which allows fewer of them to fit. He takes issue with my black and white, right and wrong interpretation of dishwasher loading. He thinks it is a matter of personal preference, but he is wrong. I am right. My way all the plates fit and they all get clean. His way four plates sit in the sink unwashed for several days. There is no preference here, unless his gets some sick thrill from walking by a sink full of dirty dishes everyday.

Ooh, Letterman's on. And my evening just became complete.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Husband, can we get a baby panda?

About once a week I am inspired by Cheezburger or Cute Overload to ask Husband for a random baby animal. Tonight he said yes, but I think he is bluffing.

Also, we watched The Office season finale tonight. I think it is sad that I found greater joy in that hour of TV than I have in any part of my own life in the past year. That's messed up, no?

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Three unrelated thoughts in my head...

I am very excited to receive a comment from someone I don't actually know. And even more excited to see that she found the blog by Googling "husband asshole." I tried, and it really does work. I am the number seven result for "husband asshole"! I told Husband he should write a post called "Wife Bitch" to try to even the score.

I drive by a Free Will Baptist church every day on my way to work. I don't really know anything about Free Will Baptists, but it seems like they would be pretty cool. You know, like regular Baptists but with drinkin' and dancin'. Anyway, they change the message on their sign each week. This week it says, "Eternity is a long time to be wrong." I am both impressed and a little afraid of their unabashedly narrow world view.

Husband left a bag of apples on the dining room table, which of course Dog could not resist. There is a half-eaten apple on the floor and shreds of the bag everywhere. At this point it is a battle of wills to see who will clean it up. Stay tuned!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Random thoughts...

1. I quit my job and have taken a new one for next year. The schools are about as different as two schools could be. It seems like a good idea to do something completely different, I guess, since this year totally kicked my ass. But Husband says he has never known me when I liked my job, so we'll see.

2. My period is three days late. This is what I get after the last post. But I took two pregnancy tests and they were both negative. Whew! I hope.

3. Husband and I are attempting to landscape our yard. We have decided, I think, to stay in the 'burbs till next summer. So I decided that if we are going to live here we might as well make it look like the house doesn't belong to an 80 year-old shut in on a fixed income.

4. Husband brought me cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery in NYC lat week. And now I love him a little more.

5. We are going to Hawaii in six weeks. Ack! I am not at all bikini ready (see #4).