Monday, April 2, 2007

Dear Husband,

I'm sorry I am not the kind of person who can pat you on the back while you barf. You had to have known that when you married me. I do want to take care of you when you are sick, but I am just not going to clean up your vomit. I did go to the store twice to get you Jello and saltines and soup, and I hope you see that as evidence of my love and devotion and not a desire to get out our germ-laden house.

I hear that once we have babies I will get over my aversion to vomit, and we'll see. But I warn you that you may have to be in charge of kid vomit when the time comes because I just don't see how it's going to be any cuter than yours.

The thing is, I have thrown up a total of seven times in my entire life and I remember all of them vividly and I have no desire to repeat them. It's why I didn't drink more in college. So when I look at you moaning in bed I wish I saw this...
But I really see you crawling with these...


So, again, sorry. Can I bring you some Jello?

Love,

Wife

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Take heart husband; she will poke you in the middle of the night to make sure you haven't choked on your own vomit though.

Clinton said...

Love to me is cleaning up puke, especially if the puke you're cleaning up smells so much like the bottle of vodka that you and your signifigant other just split that it makes you want to puke too. But you don't; you just mop it up and wipe it off of them and try to force them to drink a glass of water.

But I guess everyone's got there own on the subject.

Wife said...

Anonymous... I would do that except I have hightailed it to the guest bedroom.

Clinton... There is a difference between vodka puke and viral puke. It's really a germ issue. I am not a germophobe in my everyday life, but if someone is puking near me, even my loving Husband, I RUN!

Wife said...

Wife, I'm hoping you read this comment... I've been lying on the floor in our bedroom writing in agony for the past few hours. I've tried screaming for help, but you've sound-proofed the door to block out the unseemly sounds of vomiting. I need some fresh water and some clean underwear. Please come check on me soon... I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on...

Anonymous said...

I was reading your blog about Husband poking you in the boob, when Boyfriend came along and poked me in the boob.