Ka-chiiiing... D'oh!

Husband and I are about to get a relatively hefty tax return. Yay tuition credit! After we finished our taxes we were strutting around feeling very rich. Husband has been quoting that Chappelle's Show skit about all the black people getting slavery reparation checks on the same day. "I'm riiiiiich, biatch! I just bought this baby cash." And I have fallen asleep the past couple of nights imagining what our house would look like if it was redecorated by the Pottery Barn catalog stylists.

Then today we totaled up our wish list and realized that we have already mentally spent about seven and a half times what we will be getting back. Here's where all the imaginary money went:

• New garage doors and openers so we can park in the garage again. And also so we won't have to leave our trash can in the front yard anymore. Classy!
  
• I want to cut down the tree that is about to fall on our fence. Husband wants to cut down the tree that hangs over our driveway because he backed into it once and now it taunts him every morning. We agree on cutting down the dead one in the middle of the back yard.
• New floors because I can't even identify these stains in the carpet. They were here before me, which is grody.
• A bathroom redo so our guests don't feel like they are peeing inside a tuna can.
• I want to build a bunch of cabinets across the wall in our dining room so I can continue my obsession with acquiring dishes and serving platters I never use.
  
• Art for above the fireplace that Husband did not acquire from a hippy with a card table set up outside Jester Dorm in the late '90s.
• New living room sofa and love seat. And dining room table. And a pub table for the kitchen. And husband wants a leather recliner. Just generally furniture we didn't assemble ourselves.
  
• A functional overhead light in our living room.
  
• A new wardrobe for each of us. Husband because his old clothes are too big and me because I will surely get a job soon so I will need some cute career clothes. Dress for the job you want! It's a great justification for unemployed people to go shopping.

I think the lesson from this is never buy a house. We would just go to Hawaii or something if we didn't have this stupid home to improve.