Thursday, March 29, 2007

The More You Know...

I was taking in my daily dose of mindless celebrity gossip a minute ago and I found this article. Apparently Puff Daddy (I'm old school like that) can do it for 30 hours.

My immediate response was the obvious, "Oh, ick." Once that wore off I realized that I need to make a public service announcement for our male readers...

No woman in the history of the world has ever wanted to have sex for 30 straight hours. Except maybe a hooker who gets paid by the hour. (Which I guess is all hookers. It seems like an hourly gig. What would a yearly salary for a hooker be? Whatever Julia Roberts got paid in Pretty Woman x 52, I guess.) Anyway, ouch! And with only strawberries and whipped cream for sustenance. Buy the woman a burger! I wonder for how many of those 30 hours his girlfriend was actually awake.

Guys, in case you didn't know, bragging about your abilities in the bedroom (or especially a Parisian hotel room) makes you sound like an insecure loser. And saying you can do it for 30 hours straight makes you sound like an insecure liar. An insecure liar who has never had sex with or possible ever met a woman before because if you had you would know how stupid this sounds. I'm not saying I don't believe in the tantric thing. It's not that it couldn't be done, it's that no woman would let you do it to her. Also, I'm not sure it's safe. In that Cialis commercial with the old people in a bathtub in the middle of a field without reasonable explanation they say that if it lasts more than 4 hours you need to seek medical advice.

Diddy can you hear me?

7 comments:

Wife said...

This reminds me of a documentary that came out a few years ago about a woman trying to have sex with as many men as possible. After some delicate googling, I found the following:

"Sex: The Annabel Chong story. The movie is about Grace Quek, the ex-Singaporean actress who uses the stage name Annabel Chong, and her recent attempt to set a record by having sex with 251 men in 10 hours."

So for the record, even someone this ambitiously slutty was only working within a 10 hour window. Damn, diddy...

Wife said...

Well gee, I stand corrected. I forgot about porn stars. This is so not where I thought the marriage blog would go. Hookers and porn stars and Diddy, oh my!

Wife said...

Oh, and Husband... How exactly do you know about this Annabel Chong? And by the by, I like that you are referring to porn as documentary film now. So sophisticated.

Anonymous said...

Woah, leave me out of this...

Clinton said...

I've seen that move (not suprising) and it's about as far from sexy as you can get without everybody just taking a big mutual dump during the closing credits.

As for Diddy... I'm going to have to assume that he's not talking about 30 hours STRAIGHT. Maybe a 30 hour session where they take breaks to roll in diamonds and throw fois gras at the help, or whatever it is that rich people do.

Anonymous said...

Maybe he dreamed it or he got confused...hours vs. minutes. I am thinking he meant minutes......

Anonymous said...

Maybe he dreamed it or he got confused...hours vs. minutes. I am thinking he meant minutes......