Scenes from a weekend

Sorry I've gone so long without posting, but I almost died. And by "almost died" I mean that I have a head cold. I don't handle illness well, clearly.

I went to the doctor on Friday hoping I had strep so I could have some drugs. The doctor told me that 85% of sore throats are viral, and only 15% are strep, but he would do a throat culture anyway just to be sure. He told me this at least five times, and I can only assume he did so to stretch the exam to the full seven minutes required by his conscience and my insurance company. He also suggested I pick up some Chloraseptic and cough drops on the way home. I left still unable to swallow and irritated that I had just paid some guy $70 to tell me it sucks to have a cold.

I was supposed to go to a baby shower this weekend, but I hear coughing all over a pregnant woman is frowned upon. Still, I was desperate to get out of the house so Husband took me to Target on Friday night to buy the present and then I made him deliver it on Saturday. At Target I walked really slowly through the baby aisles and said things like, "Oh, look at all the cute stuff we could buy if only I had a baby!" Ladies, for what it's worth, pointing out all the expenses related to babies is not the best marketing strategy to use on your significant other. Instead you might try highlighting all the s e x you get to have trying to make said baby. Husband has said before that he doesn't want us to have trouble conceiving a child, but that he wouldn't mind if it takes a few months. Eww.

Anyway, I spent a good portion of Saturday night browsing through babiesrus.com, pbkids.com, and landofnod.com and googling terms like "modern baby bedding." I found a crib set I really liked and said, "Oh, it's $800." And Husband said, "I can't tell if you think that's really expensive or really cheap." I don't buy hand-embroidered sheets for myself, much less a little baby. They won't remember, and they leak stuff all the time. No wonder he's freaked out about the expense of having a baby! In the end, Husband and I agreed that it is probably good that I've had my latest wave of baby fever during a weekend when I am so grossly snot-laden that the forecast for s exytime is approximately 0%. And that brings me to our last vignette...

WIFE: Cough, cough. Ack ack aaaackum. Uuuugh. Moan. Moan. ACK! Ewwww, gross. That was a green ball!!!! I don't think I've ever seen something that disgusting come out of my body.
HUSBAND: Wanna do it?
WIFE: Please stop touching my boob.

P.S. Husband would like to state for the record that he did a very good job taking care of me this weekend, and I agree. Specifically, he brought be a 3 Musketeers bar and didn't make fun of me when I nibbled off all the chocolate so I could have a bite of pure nougat. The nougat is what makes me feel better.