Lies! All lies!

Husband and I went to Dallas this weekend to attend a party for some friends who are getting married next month. The couple just relocated together and Wife-to-Be was telling us how fabulous it is being engaged and living together and how she's heard it feels different to be married but she just can't imagine how their lives will change. And our response was something like, "Bah! That's what we thought too! Bwaahaahaa!"

We realized that we have a problem with relationship TMI, and we need to get our story straight on this whole marriage thing. People we haven't seen in awhile always ask, "How's married life?" We say something like, "Great... definitely good... well much better than the first few months, that's for sure!" Or if I don't know them very well I say, "Getting better everyday," and inside I think, "Thank God!"

I think most people are just making conversation and don't expect to hear a detailed answer. Any response but "Super!" is kind of socially inept. Apparently every couple actually is super, or maybe their relationship is in crisis and they are doing everything they can to keep that a secret. We are kind of in that gray area in between. There's nothing we need to hide from our friends, but it seems disingenuous to act like being married automatically solves all your problems. In fact, that's a big lie propagated in our society, and I think it's part of the reason that adjusting to being somebody's wife was difficult for me, and for other women I know.

So let me take this opportunity to tell it like it is. Married life is great... now. At first it kind of sucked. The first few months are an adjustment, and it's hard to explain how or why. The best I can do is this: pre-marriage I would wake up in the morning and look over at Husband still asleep and I would think, "Oh isn't he adorable. Soon I will wear a pretty dress and there will be pretty flowers and we will eat cake and dance. People will send us stemware and then we will have babies and love each other forever!" (I know that all sounds trite but I couldn't help myself. I tried. I read The Conscious Bride. But the Wedding Propaganda Machine took over my body.) Shortly after the wedding I looked over at Husband sleeping and thought, "Why the hell is he still asleep? It's not fair I have to get up at 6 a.m. and he's still asleep. That bastard. And I get to watch him snore every morning for the REST OF MY LIFE." And I believe that those are acceptable feelings to have before dawn, but it didn't feel like it at the time because we were supposed to be lovey-dovey newlyweds.