My Love, My Flower... Valentine's Day Redux

The following is dedicated in loving response to this post.

Girl,

You are my eternity, my roller coaster of love... my precious. We have been together for so long, the passenger seat of my sweet ride no longer remembers the warmth of another woman's ass. I marvel at your beauty and gaze wondrously at your humps and lady lumps, wondering how next you will seek to employ the entirety of the junk in your trunk. Girl, it's almost Valentine's Day, and you know I am going to lay it all on the line for you. So let me break down my plans to rock your body this Valentine's Day:

First, I will wake up in the morning and not hit the snooze button. I know how sensitive my lady's ears are to the Sprint PCS polymorphic ring-tones which awaken me from my manly slumber. I will rise immediately and go into the bathroom, and there I will pee... and possibly poop. But then I will step into a hot shower and wash myself clean with my new bar of Lever 2000 soap. I will rinse and repeat with my shampoo, which is Tressemme, a word that is French for "damn fine looking man hair."

After the shower, I will dry myself with a towel. I will then put on underwear because I don't roll commando style. I will then eat breakfast and go to work, where I make money to buy you pretty shiny things, and the occasional office supplies. I will leave work early and pick you up some flowers on the way home. I will find you the prettiest roses. They will smell like a garden of beauty. You will have only the finest floral arrangements that HEB has to offer.

I will drive home with your flowers, and I will take the flowers out of my car and into my arms as I walk into our home. I will open the door and brandish the flowers before your loving eyes like a trophy of my affection. I will hand them to you with a look in my eyes that says, "I will rock your body."

Girl, I will rock your body.

I will seat myself at the table where you have prepared a wonderful dinner. I will eat the food you have prepared and compliment you on your cooking. Girl, damn you can cook good. Did I mention that I will rock your body? Nevermind that for now, have another glass of wine. That necklace really brings out your eyes, girl. Do you remember the first time that we kissed? It was a magical moment. And we're about to make some more magic now girl. As I have previously stated, I will rock your body. And by the way, these potatoes have a really nice flavor. You must have used garlic salt, girl. You know what I like.

And I know what you like, girl. I will take you into our bedroom, and I will make sweet love to you. It will last for approximately 4.2 seconds of heavenly bliss. And then, when the short but sweet body-rocking has subsided, I will fall asleep with my arm awkwardly draped around your body. I would like to have stayed awake longer, but damn girl, those potatoes are making me sleepy. Girl.