Do I Have to Do Everything Myself?

Apparently so. I'm sorry for the lack of updates lately. Husband kept saying he would write something but here it is Monday morning and you lovely people have nothing to read while avoiding work.

I intended to write more this weekend but Husband and I had a very productive domestic weekend. We are still trying to get unpacked almost seven months after moving into our house. This weekend we attacked the office, and now I have bunches of pretty color coded folders for all of our important papers. Yay label maker!

Anyway, on Saturday night at about 11 p.m. I was trying to dig through a pile of papers about my old 401k and Husband was bothering me so I gave him a box of things I've saved from our dating days to look through for fun. There were old movie stubs, birthday cards, and a letter which neither of us remembers in which he promised me that he would indeed want to marry me in his own time.

So that was all cute and sweet and it kept him occupied for awhile. However, I forgot that the box also had some mementos left over from a couple of guys I dated before Husband. He was all, "We're married now. We don't have any secrets anymore." And I was all (in a screechy howler monkey voice), "Give it to me! Give it to me right now! Ahhhhhh!"

I didn't even remember an apparently serious conversation Husband and I had about our future together, so I had no idea what else might be in that little box. A few years ago my mom gave me a cute Pro/Con pad from Container Store as a stocking stuffer. In a moment of single boredom and probably fueled by wine and/or Haagen-Dazs, I used it to evaluate dead relationships. I decided that the humor of these outweighed the embarrassment and shared them with Husband. Here's a sampling.

Serdar - a guy from Turkey I dated for a couple of months. It was winter and he was cuddly and that was about the extent of things.

Pros:

• He's hot
• He's cuddly
• Good hair
• Nice to my cats
• Tells me I'm pretty

Cons:

• Not a good kisser
• Bad dresser
• Purple car
• Floral sheets
• Language barrier
• No pepperoni (Funny because Husband won't share a pepperoni pizza with me either.)
• Doesn't like football
• Possibly porn on work computer
• Bad teeth
• No long-term potential
• Embarrassed to buy flowers
• Gives bad gifts (Brought me a Charlie Chaplin DVD from Turkey that wouldn't play on my American DVD player. And I wasn't sad. Who buys that for a woman?)
  
• Brings me cheesecake, which makes me fat
  
• General sketchiness

Ben - I believe he was the only guy I met on eHarmony besides Husband who had ever been on a date before. Anyway, we only dated for about a month but it was significant to me because he dumped me. Completely blindsided me. He thought things were moving too fast. He thought I joined eHarmony to find a husband. I thought, "I am really ready for a serious relationship. But first I am going to spend all summer making out with this Ben guy. And then in the fall I will dump him and find a real boyfriend." But you can't tell that to a guy who's just dumped you without sounding like you're back peddling.

Pros:

• Nice apartment
• Affectionate
• Cooks
• Makes me laugh
• Says I'm pretty without makeup
• Good kisser
• Not afraid of children
  
• Handy
• Brings me flowers
• Smells good
  

Cons:

• Too young
• Too much beer
• Too much TV
• [something disparaging about his man parts]
  
• Republican
• Shitty breakup excuse
• Boob pictures (He had a photo album that included a bunch of pictures of female friends topless. I think they were from Mardi Gras, but why would he put that in an album? Especially one that included pictures of his baby nephew? So people would know he had seen boobs before?)
  
• Made my lawn chair bend
• Says "f-in" and "wiener"
• Lied about his height (I didn't care that he was short, just that he was insecure about it.)
  
• Smokes

Hope it was worth the wait. I promise to update more often.